2 in 1: Never owned a book until I was 21 & grad school actually taught me something!

So, this is my second blog post  and it is inspired by receiving my grad diploma in the mail. I will be openly narcissistic in my formative blogs so please bare with me until I get hang of pretending that my writing is not about me :)

Many people might think graduating from a school  is given and granted as long as you make it through acceptance. Well, my experience tells me otherwise. I was accepted years ago and had to drop out before even finishing the first month of the first semester. That's a long story we will get to it someday. So this post is more about one special moments in my life i.e. owning my first book. Yup. That was an event for me my friend!  

I was 21 when I owned my first book. 21. It was by far one of the most accomplished feelings I had felt. Tells you a little bit about how different my life was. I come from a simple background. ... My dad was a butler for the late King Khalid in Saudi Arabia and my mother was a retiree midwife and teacher.

They had me at a late age, my mother was 40 and my dad was 70… Yeah. That was a unique experience, too! Due to many reasons related to the identity question discussed in the first blog,  I didn’t like my surroundings. I simply felt alienated… So I turned to reading for our TV did n't have much other than local Saudi channels. When I grew out of the limited school library, I started looking for bookstores to feed the hungry beast within me for alternative reality. I found a treasure two miles away from my house. I spotted it during one of our trips to the local market. On a hot summer’s day, I wrapped myself in the abaya, ….tucked my hair in the veil and walked to the bookstore.  Searching for books has always taken me places physically and figuratively. I've gain friends, travels to places, and lived my alternative life though books. They are my passport.

I walked for two miles…. We did not own a car and my dad was too old to walk me there or accompany me. It is an unfamiliar scene to see a teenaged girl walking by herself in the early 90s in Riyadh Saudi Arabia. It became a habit.  I would go to that little book store every week, sell my books and get new ones.  They were my prized possessions, my diamond in the rough.  The owner of the bookstore made a great deal for me since my financial resources were not in the best shape to keep up with my bookworm appetite.  What I realized as I grew up is that I had gained more than just a financial deal. Through the process, I become a faster reader.  I learned to write notes, a skill many of us learn when they go to collages.  I fantasized about the next buyer of a certain book and left them small cards wishing them good luck.  I formed friendships with unseen people and associated with them on the mere bases that we had similar taste in literature or novels. 

21. I was 21 when I had one of my own. It was by Ghada Alsamman, I still do remember. I couldn’t sleep that night from the sense of accomplishment of owning a book and not thinking sadly about returning it to the bookstore next week.

Years ago, I graduated from high school.  Do not even consider asking me how old I am! When times were hard, I dreamed of the day of graduation form graduate school to be a bit sooner than today. But I am thankful that I had made it now not sooner for I appreciate the learning voyage that led me to live this moment with this much pride and happiness. But the path has been unpaved yet fulfilling in many way.

I strongly believe that I needed each and every challenge I faced to get to where I am today and appreciate what I have.  Why do I think hardship is at times necessary? I am not a masochistic of course but the course of life taught me that each obstacle polishes a side of me, as long as it doesn't kill me of course. It is inevitable not to be shaped by our experiences and the key is to take a little bit of control over the impact hardship makes on us.

That same pattern of learning form challenges came my way over and over again. I remember my first academic humiliation when I started my MIPP in 2013.  I was eager to write my first academic paper that was not actually up to the merits of the field. The professor called me before the beginning of the class and gently told me that my argument was not “constructed properly” which was in layman words meant that my paper was "complete nonsense."   I was devastated. I was truly devastated. I liked to think of self that I know how to argue! What do you mean my argument is not constructed properly? That was the beginning of journey of learning of writing for academia. I am still learning and I think the learning never ends.  But along the way, I noticed a constant pattern. The more humble I felt, the more I learned and grew.

Every time a professor challenged me with a question, they pushed me to the library, to the news, to forums, to conversation with friends to find more about the topic to deliver an intellectual argument in my next class. And every time I thought I nailed it, I find out how far I was from learning.

Thinking that you “nailed” it defeats the idea of coming to graduate school. I personally think that major takeaways form this experiences is not taking anything at face value, and of course not making affirmative statement. You would notice how you become so hesitant in using words like “always, never, generally, I am adamant” and the like. Personally, grad school taught me to question everything; to delve deeper in the topics and probe the grounds of my own confections. It was a bit hard at the beginning. One of my favorite professor made me write a paper three times because I was being emotional not objective. Well, who knew I'm emotional?!  I remember when another professor asked me to include a counterargument in my paper. I was like “what? You want me to counter my own argument?!” For someone, who comes from a society and tradition that is very invested in polemic exchange determined to negate and refute the others, this was a tough shift. So, you are telling me to butcher my own argument ... Lord. Be. With. Me. 

Now, thanks to grad school, for the fat student loan, and that now I doubt my own argument.. and that my fiend … is ...  a first! But to be honest, this is the most important skill you would learn in grad school. Not believing from first sight! As much as this exercise might shake your views, it is worth it. You will end up with more studied positions and you will be more likely to shed stereotypes and repositioned prospects of life. 

P.S. Refrain from making absolute opinion and be open to learn .. question your views till you answer the cruelest question your opponent would through at you to win the debate!